The One That Got Away
by PhanJovie
Summary: Phil has been hiding his love for Dan, but he still can't bring himself to reveal his crush. After a startling wake up call, Phil decides it's now or never. Can he do it, or will Dan be the one that got away?


I scrolled through the photos Dan uploaded on Facebook. He looked so happy. Many photos of him and his wife travelling and visiting all sorts of exotic places, along with photos of him just hanging out with his kids. It was cute, it made me smile. Yet at the same time it made my heart break. Where was he? Enjoying life in London, working for a high-profile movie editing company. Where was I? Sitting here in an awful low boozer, flicking through pictures of my best friend and wondering where I had went wrong. At what point should I have said something? When did I cross that line of no return? For you see, Dan and I are still friends, but we have grown more distant. I put all of the blame on me. Not because of his busy life. It's because I love him. I love him more than I should. But I never told him how much he meant to me. He's here but he's gone, you know what I mean? I still get to enjoy being friends with him, but I will never be able to love him like I had so wished long ago. The One That Got Away played quietly through the radio. That song came out many years ago... yet it ironically fits my situation. I let a tear fall. What am I? What is my life? A stranger would walk in and see a grown man sitting in a booth by himself, playing with a vodka he hasn't drank, and letting tears fall as he thought about the man he loved but let go.

* * *

I sat up in my bed. It was 10:30. Dan was already up and making noise in the living room, probably having a fit over his new video. I rubbed my eyes - it was only a dream. Or was it? As I look back, to me it seems more of a wake up call. A call to action. It's as if my subconscious grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me yelling "What's wrong with you?! Don't let this one get away!" I got up and threw on some clothes, not really caring how I look. As I stumbled out of my room, Dan looked up from the couch and gave me a good morning and smiled. My light-headedness only intensified as I studied his face. His eyes were beautiful swirls of dark brown matching his hair, which complemented his tanned complexion. But those dimples get me every time. If he were any cuter I'd vomit.

"Are you okay, Phil?" He asked.

"Oh, uh yeah, I'm fine." I answered nervously.

"You don't look fine..." He said, watching my reaction.

Should this be it? Should I tell him now?

"Um, I need to tell you something." I stammered. No Phil, not now. You need some time to put your words together. You have one chance. Don't do it just yet.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Nevermind."

"Well go on, Phil, you can tell me!" He smiled.

Silence. I couldn't speak. I knew if I did I would end up with this word vomit and ruin the moment - which was also my chance at happiness.

"You know, I think I want Starbucks. I'll go walk down and get us some." I said quickly, breaking the silence.

"Okay, Phil. But we're going to talk when you get back," he insisted. "I don't like seeing you unwell."

As I rode down the lift, I let my nervousness get the better of myself. My legs were shaking and I couldn't keep still. I was afraid. This was hard work trying to muster up the courage to bring the subject up to him. But I was also terrified that he wouldn't accept me. That he would hate me. At the same time, I knew I had to talk to him. I didn't want to end up like my future self in my dream, wondering if I ever could've made my life right.

The lift doors opened and I stepped outside. The cold air stung my face; I haven't been outside in days. I ducked into Starbucks and settled on something warm to keep me company. I imagined Dan walking with me, holding me close and keeping me warm. It gave me motivation. Motivation at least, to be able to talk to him. I still ran scenarios through my head supposing he freaked out and left me. But I can't dwell on the negative or I will never find the positive. I decided to walk through the park. I hoped walking would clear my mind and help me work up the bravery to tell Dan that I love him.

Fate must have placed hints as obvious as possible in my path. As I walked, I saw a couple walking and holding hands. They were two slender guys, both tall with long hair similar to Dan's. Their fingers wrapped around each others and they held them tight. They paused as one said something to the other, and they kissed. I smiled. That could be us, I thought. I kept going down the path and passed by the fountain. An elderly couple sat with their hands together overlooking the park. Birds flew and danced as they tossed bread crumbs together. I smiled again. I want to be able to do that with Dan. I gazed into the trees and found a bird focused intently at another bird sitting on a branch across from him. He made no effort to woo her. Instead he simply gazed longingly as she carefully preened her feathers. Another bird flew into the scene and landed next to her, courting her elegantly. They flew off into the distance, leaving the first bird sitting alone. He cocked his head in the direction they left before finally flying away himself. That scene forced a tear to build in my eyes. It reminded me of my dream. It made me feel like I was the first bird, just staring at the one that I loved but not being able to move, and watching only helplessly as they were swooped up by someone else. This set the ball rolling. I can do this. I need to do this. Unless I am going to end up unhappy and wondering if I would ever be able to love again, I need to talk to Dan and tell him how much I love him.

New courage emboldened me to walk quickly home. I stopped first at Starbucks again and picked up Dan's favorite drink: a venti caramel macchiato. At least this will put him in a good mood for what I need to say. I rode the lift upwards, feeling my heart rise with it as if it were getting ready for the most important thing it's ever done. My legs carried me as quickly as I can go down the hall and I pushed open the door to our flat. Dan was still on the couch with his laptop. He looked up and I presented him with his drink.

"Thanks mate! That's really nice of you." He said, smiling. I smiled back.

"Now, sit down. We are going to talk about what happened." He said seriously.

I obeyed him and sat next to him on the couch. I avoided eye contact until I was ready to start talking. I began to form the words in my mind. Just before I spoke, my courage quickly drained out of my chest and left me to do this thing alone. I felt weak and scared again. Tears started to well and I put my head down, but there was no holding back. I curled up and put my head in my knees hoping that Dan couldn't see the waterfall running down my face.

"Phil, what's wrong?" He said with a worried expression. His voice was soft and soothing and filled with concern.

"I... I don't know!" I choked. As I continued to cry like a fool I didn't notice him pulling me onto his lap and wrapping his arms around me. This might have looked strange, but to us it was perfectly normal. There have been times in the past where a cheating girlfriend, family problems, or some other crisis had one of us needing comfort and the other was always there. I felt Dan's compassion as he hugged me and I buried my face in his chest. I didn't want to move, I just wanted to stay in his warm arms forever. Finally though, I looked up. I was ready to talk. When I lifted my head up, I was surprised to see his face close to mine. I coincidentally found myself gazing right into his soft brown eyes. I could see the pain in them as he hurt for me. His empathy was beautiful; it made me feel loved.

"Are you okay now?" He asked softly. I nodded in return. I was ready to explain.

"Well Dan... there's someone that I... that I love. I _really_ love them Dan. I get butterflies in my stomach just being around them. I dream about them constantly. This...person...is beautiful. Just amazing. But I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" he asked.

"I'm afraid of telling them. I'm afraid of how they would react. I don't know if they love me back. I don't even know how to tell them." I said.

He nodded.

"What would you say? Or rather, what would you want someone to say to you if they were to tell you how much they loved you?" I asked him.

"Huh." He thought. "Well, I think I would want them to just be straightforward. Just say 'Dan, I really like you and you mean a lot to me, you mean the world to me! I want to know how you feel about me because I really love you.' That's probably what I would want to hear."

I smiled.

"Who is she? Is she someone I know?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, it's someone you know..." I said.

"Can you tell me?"

"No." I replied. "I can't tell you yet."

"Well why not? I won't judge you. You're my best friend." With his last words he pulled me closer and hugged me again. My chest swelled. I love this boy. I need to tell him.

"Dan?" I said quietly.

"Yes?"

"I really like you." I started. "You mean a lot to me. You mean the absolute whole world to me. I need to know how you feel about me... because... because... I really love you."

He looked at me with wide eyes, taken totally by surprise.

"You... love me? Like really, _love_ me?" He whispered._  
_

"Yes..." I said.

I waited for his reaction. He still had a look of shock on his face. I couldn't determine what that meant, though. Finally I sucked in my breath and ran to my room. Yes, I finally asked. Yes, I finally got my answer. This was the answer that I dreaded seeing. I might not live in uncertainty now, but I think I just scared off my best friend. I tried to close and lock the door but Dan was hot on my heels. He pushed the door back just as I was going to close it.

"Phil! Why did you run away?" He said.

"I'm sorry for even bringing it up, Dan!" I yelled.

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong!" He said back.

"Yes I did! I just ruined our friendship!" I said half in anger, half in self pity.

The door suddenly flew open and nearly knocked me backwards. Dan put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes.

"Phil. I'm sorry I didn't react immediately, even though you wanted me too. I was just surprised because I didn't know you felt this way." He said firmly.

"Yeah, but you hate me now. What does it matter anymore?" I loathed.

"Don't say that! I could never hate you Phil." He said seriously.

"Well then you are probably freaked out that your once-normal best friend just told you he loved you and now you want to get away from me." I said.

He didn't give an answer. Instead, he brushed away the hair in my eyes and the tears that were running down my face. Without saying a single word, he slowly leaned towards me. I watched his face as he gently closed his eyes and titled his head slightly. I subconsciously did the same and our lips connected. Sparks flew. Fires burned. So many years of pain from trying to hide it melted away. His lips were soft, and he tasted much more amazing than I had imagined.

When we finally pulled apart, I asked him, "did you really mean that?"

He smiled and asked me, "did you really mean when you said you loved me?"

"Yes." I whispered.

"Then so did I." He whispered back.

"You're okay with it?" I asked him.

"Of course I am." he smiled. "There's only one person in the world that I care so much about, and it's you. I'm so ecstatic, grateful even, that you finally told me how much you loved me."

"What do you mean, finally told you?"

"Well..." he grinned cheekily. "You weren't exactly subtle."

"Oh shut up." I laughed.

I pushed my lips into his once more and he returned my kiss with fervor. This felt absolutely incredible. His warm breath fell in sync with mine as we embraced. I pulled him close into my chest, not ever wanting to let go. He gently slid his tongue forward and I happily allowed him in. He explored my mouth as his tongue glided across mine - I was in heaven. My legs shook, not out of fear, but out of excitement and pure joy. When we finally pulled apart, we sat on the couch and talked about what happened. I told him how long I had been hiding it and painfully watched him go with many girls and end up invariably disappointed. He told me that he always felt that I loved him but didn't believe it was real, he thought it was just his imagination tricking him, for me loved me too. He kissed me again; we enjoyed this new sensation.

I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his warm body. I was happy that I finally told him. I was happy that I get to keep him. I was happy that I am able to receive his love. But most of all, I'm happy that he wasn't the one that got away.

* * *

**Hey guys, Connor here - Jovie likes writing the longer chapters and he's writing Dangerously In Love so I decided to try my hand at a oneshot. I hope you all enjoyed it :) Check out our profile for Jovie's amazing chapter stories and I might have another oneshot coming soon :P**


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